


Look for the Stars as the Sun Goes Down

by Rikudera



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Dark Magic, Gen, Kink Meme, M/M, Mild Kink, Past Rape/Non-con, magic-enhanced sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2015-10-07
Packaged: 2018-04-25 06:37:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4950373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rikudera/pseuds/Rikudera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Riku searches for an old friend to uphold a promise, to make things right, and to not look away from the darkness. Even if some of the side effects... aren't what anyone expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dust/Rust

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for the kink meme.
> 
> Many thanks to my beta mostlyharmless.

Sora keeps his keyblade out when the four of them go into the room at the end of the hall. Kairi, on the other hand, walks briskly into the room, looking around at the chain-link designs on the walls. Riku decides to hang back, between the room’s only chair and the door, so he can keep watch. Mickey stays near Riku at first, but starts abruptly when Kairi speaks.

“Look over here!” Kairi says, pointing to a pile of metal on the ground. Next to it, a keyblade is stabbed into the ground. This room has a tomblike cold, the same as Castle Oblivion had, and the keyblade looks like a grave marker.

“That’s-!” Mickey gives a little jump and scurries over to Kairi.

“Do you recognize it?” Kairi asks.

“…You don’t?” Mickey blinks.

“It looks the same as what that one guy Donald and Goofy and me fought last year was wearing,” Sora nods, finally dismissing his keyblade. “You guys weren’t with us because you were helping Kairi and Riku with that last-minute training before we defeated Xemnas, remember?”

“I remember that,” Kairi says, and Riku nods in acknowledgment. Kairi had still been getting used to her keyblade, and Riku had been readjusting to his body. Mickey had helped them train while Sora had gone with Donald and Goofy to get that last synthesis ingredient for the Moogle.

“I remember that too,” Riku says. “But I didn’t know you fought a guy in armor, Sora,” Riku says. The only time he thinks he’s seen armor like that was when he dove into Sora’s heart to wake him up.

“When did you fight someone in that kind of armor?” Mickey asks sharply. Riku stills at the sudden change in tone, starting to raise his hand then changing his mind and resting it on the chair. Sora seems to hesitate for a few seconds as well.

“…It was when that weird portal showed up in the Hall of the Cornerstone,” Sora finally says. “I thought Chip and Dale told you.”

“Tell me what happened.” Mickey’s frowning, and Riku shares an uneasy glance with Kairi over his ears.

“Well, a weird portal opened up in Disney Castle,” Sora starts, “and Donald said it might be our last chance to make sure the Cornerstone was safe. I think he just wanted to go through Merlin’s door to the past again, but we went anyway, and the portal opened up in this weird, dusty place.”

“And the person in armor was there?” Mickey prompts.

“…Yeah,” Sora answers, “but he was really confused. He was saying something about how I wasn’t… the person he was expecting, and then he called me Xehanort and got really mad at me, and then we fought. I don’t think I’ve ever fought against a guy that tough before.”

“He fought you because he thought you were Xehanort?” Mickey asks. Riku feels another chill at the memory of Xehanort trying to make Sora one of his vessels. It hadn’t worked, but Riku couldn’t imagine what it must be like not to be able to tell the difference.

“…Not exactly,” Sora says. Riku shares another glance with Kairi. He wonders if she knows how tightly she’s gripping onto the keyblade stabbed into the floor. “He said…” Sora chews on his lip, first looking at Kairi, then at Riku. “He said that I wasn’t the person he chose, and then he got mad, and then after the fight he stopped being mad but just didn’t want anything more to do with me, I guess.”

Riku’s heart starts thudding madly when Sora’s words register.

It’s _him_ , isn’t it?

“We need to go find him,” Riku hears himself say. He can feel his fingers straining in their grip on the chair. Mickey turns to look at him critically. “If,” Riku swallows, “if it has anything to do with… the stuff in this room.” He can’t look Mickey in the eyes, so he looks over at Kairi and Sora again.

“I agree,” Kairi says, suddenly perfectly calm. “Sora, do you know where that place is?”

“Sorry,” Sora responds. “The portal closed up after we got back to Disney Castle, so we never got to explore it again. I don’t know how to get back there.”

“I do,” Mickey says, suddenly somber. When Riku looks at him again, Mickey almost looks… guilty. Funny, when Riku’s been the one hiding a secret away for this many years.

“We need to go,” Riku insists. Mickey sighs deeply.

“…Alright,” Mickey says.

*~*~*~*~*

“It was here,” Mickey says, “thirteen years ago.” A dusty canyon stretches out in front of the four of them, surrounded by drab, brown mesas, and Riku doesn’t see a single sign of life anywhere. This place is so barren; it’s hard to imagine anyone living for more than a few days in this wasteland, let alone thirteen years. Riku’s suddenly unsure, though, if by the way Sora described the warrior in armor, that the person they’re all looking for counts as alive or not.

“It’s so empty,” Kairi says. It’s not cold, but she holds her arms like she wants to shiver. She decided to hang onto the armor and keyblade they found in the Sleeping Room, and the steel-blue metal clinks softly over the sleeves of her shirt whenever she moves her arms.

“This looks like the world we were on,” Sora adds, “but I don’t see that guy anywhere.” When Riku glances at Sora, he’s gnawing on his lip and looking over at Kairi.

“We’ll just have to start looking, then,” Riku says. There’s another valley in the distance, so he starts walking in that direction. He hears Sora call out, the sounds of his sneakers tapping quickly on the dry ground as he catches up with Riku. Sora looks at him pointedly, but Riku just shrugs.

“That guy was really tough, Riku,” Sora says. "We should stick together."

“He won’t attack us if we just talk to him,” Riku replies. “We need to find out what he wants.”

“Do you think so?” Kairi asks, her and Mickey now caught up as well.

“Yeah,” Riku says, though he doesn’t think he could explain why.

“We should be on our guard,” Mickey says, “just in case.” He looks at Riku steadily, brows drawn down and ears pricked up and alert.

“It’ll be fine,” Riku says.

*~*~*~*~*

Kairi gasps aloud, hand flying to her mouth, stopping in her tracks at the same time as Riku and Sora. There are hundreds - no, thousands - of keyblades, stuck into the ground, rusted over who knows how many centuries. They must be from the Keyblade War, Riku realizes. Each of these must have belonged to someone, once.

“I’ve never been to this part of the world before,” Sora says quietly. Riku looks over at him, but any answers or words of reassurance he might have get stuck in his throat.

“There’s so many…” Kairi murmurs.

“Let’s keep going,” Mickey says, gazing ahead intently, brows furrowed. He sounds so old, Riku thinks.

*~*~*~*~*

In the distance, a shape breaks the monotony of the valley’s scenery.

“It’s him,” Riku says, starting to walk faster.

“Riku, be careful,” Mickey says.

“It’s him,” Riku repeats. He doesn’t know why he’s so sure, only that he is. Behind him, he hears the sound of a keyblade being summoned, but doesn’t turn his head to look at who it is, only picks up his pace further.

“Riku!” Sora calls out to him. Riku starts jogging towards the shape. It’s made out of metal.

It’s an armored figure, kneeling on the ground, a golden cape fluttering in the dusty breeze, a large, bronze-hued keyblade stuck in the ground right in front of it. Something tells Riku he should recognize that keyblade. He halts in shock once more.

“ _Riku_ ,” Sora says, catching up again to stand on Riku’s left side, looking decidedly displeased. “That guy is really dangerous.” Riku shakes his head.

“Is that him?” Kairi asks.

“He won’t fight us,” Riku says.

“How do you know?” Sora presses.

“He won’t,” Riku insists. Mickey catches up on Kairi’s other side, but he’s stopped protesting. He doesn’t even have his keyblade out; he just looks sad. “I’ll prove it,” Riku adds.

He walks towards the figure, nerves jangling but feet steady. They don’t feel like bad nerves, he thinks, not like the nerves he used to get around Maleficent, or… other people. It’s just that it’s been so long since he last saw this person. He worked really hard to make up for some of the things he’s done, and he even got to be a Keyblade Master, but he’s still done reprehensible things that an exam won’t erase. This feels like just as difficult of a test, in a way.

“Hey,” Riku says to the armor.

_Key… blade…_

The figure slowly rises to its feet, gauntleted hands resting on top of the keyblade still stuck in the ground, but it doesn’t move from its spot. Riku’s breath catches in his throat, but he keeps walking.

_Keyblade…_

“Yeah.” Riku summons Way to the Dawn to his hand, though he’s not expecting he’ll need to fight. It’s more proving that it exists than anything else.

_It’s you. It’s you._

“It’s been a while,” Riku says softly, “hasn’t it?”

_You._

“I kept my promise as much as I could.” Riku dismisses his keyblade when he stops in front of the armored figure. Other than to stand up, it still hasn’t moved. “I didn’t think it would take so long.”

_Xeha…. nort…_

“I think I was hoping he would be you,” Riku says, barely above a hush. “I’m sorry.”

_Make it right._

“What do you want me to do?” Riku asks.

_Aqua… Ven…_

“I don’t understand."

_Find us. Wake us up._

“How do I find you?”

_Help me._

“Where are you?”

_You remembered… please…_

“I…” Riku feels his hands shaking, but starts to reach up to remove the figure’s helmet. He has a suspicion that’s twisting his stomach into knots. “I need to know if you’re-”

Just as Riku touches the tips of his fingers to the helmet, the whole suit of armor collapses into pieces on the ground. It’s empty. The keyblade clatters on top of it with the ringing of hollow metal. Riku doesn’t know how long he stares at it, or how long it takes his hands to return to his sides, only that when he turns back to the others, his pulse is pounding in his ears.

“Riku, you’re crying,” Kairi says.

“Wh-” Riku rubs at his eye with the back of his hand. “I’m fine, I…” He swallows awkwardly. “It wasn’t really him. It was more like an idea he left behind.” Everyone’s staring at him. “I don’t think he was mad at you,” he tells Sora, “he was only confused because he didn’t know how much time had passed. But it’s okay.” They’re going to have to make it okay. “He told me what to do.”

“We didn’t hear him saying anything,” Kairi replies.

“That’s…” Riku rubs at his eyes again, “I heard it.”

“I don’t get it,” Sora says.

“He said that we need to find where he really is, and wake him up for real,” Riku adds. “And the other two. He said they were Aqua and Ven. That’s what he told me.”

“Did he tell you where he is?” Mickey asks. Riku looks away.

“I’ve got a couple ideas,” he replies.

“He doesn’t know where he is?” Sora asks.

“It’s complicated,” Riku mumbles. “I couldn’t really say.” He turns, then, walking back to the now-collapsed armor. He kneels down in front of it, gingerly wrapping his fingers around the hilt of the bronze keyblade.

“Riku,” Mickey says. Riku abruptly lets go of the keyblade and glances over at the King, who’s now walked up to the armor as well. Behind him, Sora and Kairi are talking to each other while looking at the silver-blue keyblade Kairi had gotten from Radiant Garden, but then they both glance up, and Riku looks back at Mickey. “You know, I was with Master Aqua in Radiant Garden, when she met Kairi.”

“Kairi doesn’t remember anything from back then,” Riku replies.

“Do you remember Terra, Riku?” Mickey asks quietly.

“I couldn’t say,” Riku repeats, averting his gaze towards the pile of armor again.

“Did he ask you not to tell anyone?”

“Mickey, please…” There’s more than one thing Mickey knows about Riku, that Riku hasn’t told Sora and Kairi about.

“I thought it might be like that.”

Riku can't talk about who he's just spoken to, but maybe there's something else about this strange armor he can help with. If there are three people to find, then there must be three different sets of armor. If Riku's kneeling in front of one set, and Kairi's currently wearing another set on her arms, then the third set is probably with...

"Sora was wearing this same style of armor when I went inside his dream to wake him up," Riku says instead. "And there was a guy who looked like Roxas who was wearing the same kind of thing on his arm. That’s all I can think of that might help with finding the others.” He reaches down and picks up a piece of the discarded armor. “…I think we should split up for a while.”

“You don’t have to do everything by yourself, Riku,” Mickey counters. “I’m always willing to help ya out, you know that.” It’s such a gentle scolding that Riku can’t help but feel reassured by it.

“I know,” Riku smiles fleetingly, more a twitch of the lips than a full curve, “but I don’t want Sora or Kairi involved in what I’m gonna do next.” How had Kairi gotten her armor compact, again? “I’m not saying it’s too dangerous,” because Kairi had improved so much in such a short amount of time, mostly by virtue of her own determination, and Sora was… well, he was Sora, “but it’s just… it’s something I need to do.” Riku knocks his fist on the shoulder node, and the armor contracts in a soft clink to a single pauldron-and-vambrace set with belts for strapping around an arm.

“I guess I shouldn’t try to change your mind, then,” Mickey sighs.

“Nope.” Riku feels another smile pulling at his lips again, a real one this time, and doesn’t fight it.

“Oh, you got the armor to work!” Kairi says, her and Sora walking up to Riku and Mickey.

“Yeah,” Riku says, wrapping his hand around the bronze keyblade and dismissing it so he can borrow that for a while, too.

“Sora, help me put it on him.”

“Okay.” Riku shoots them another smile while Mickey looks away and starts walking leisurely back towards the Gummi Ship.

“We’re probably gonna have to split up for a while, soon,” Riku says.

“…Do we have to?” Sora asks, wearing a frown that Riku feels terrible about.

“I can’t explain everything,” Riku responds, “but we’ve each got a different person to look for, don’t we?”

“I agree,” Kairi says, giving the vambrace a pat to make sure it’s secured.

“And you’ve still got a test to retake, Sora,” Riku adds with a smirk. Sora chuckles sheepishly.

“Okay, okay,” he says. “But we’re all gonna see each other again, really soon!”

“And we’ll still be together while we take the Gummi Ship back to Radiant Garden,” Kairi points out.

“Yeah,” Riku agrees.

“Race you guys back to the ship,” Sora grins.

“You’re on.”


	2. Look for the Stars as the Sun Goes Down

"Can't sleep?"

"...No." He looks surprised that Riku had known.

"Me neither," Riku smiles, subdued. In the dimmed hallway, he can see the shift of Terra's face and the way Terra's widened eyes lower into something more somber. "Do you wanna go outside?"

"...Alright," Terra says, after another moment of hesitation.

Riku turns towards the stairs that wind down to the base of Yen Sid's tower, and Terra falls quickly into step. Riku inhales a little too quickly for comfort when he catches a glance of Terra in profile, so he resolves to keep his gaze ahead. It's a familiar profile.  
  
"I like looking at the stars," Riku adds, as they descend the floors of the tower. "It doesn't feel so crowded outside."   
  
"Mm," Terra chuckles. "Somehow, that's not surprising."

Riku looks again, despite himself; Terra's smile is different.  
  
He remembers the last time Terra smiled at him. It was the smile of a man who had been drowning for over a decade, finally come up to the surface through blood, pain, and tears. It was disbelief of the freedom Riku had carved out for him from an old enemy, shocked recognition that the boy he'd last talked to was now a battle-hardened young master of everything promised all those years ago. It was a smile when they'd both been brought to exhaustion and relieved tears.   
  
"I guess not," Riku replies, pushing his mind back to the present, keeping his voice as casual as possible. It's easier to smile back when someone else does it first.   
  
*~*~*

The two of them sit with their legs dangling off the side of the cliff, close but not touching, necks craned up at the stars. It's reassuring that the constellations are familiar, no matter which world you go to.   
  
"I like getting up and going somewhere when I can't sleep," Riku says. "It's peaceful out here." His eyes trace his favorite shapes above. Peace isn't a thing anyone's had for a long time, so he wants to enjoy it now that they've finally gotten it.   
  
"Does it happen a lot?" Terra asks. Riku can feel Terra looking at him.   
  
"Not as much as it used to," Riku answers, slowly, "but... enough." Enough that he has a routine for the occasion. There isn't a cure spell for restless thoughts or gears in a head that won't stop turning, so he makes do with what's available. "Mostly, it's because I end up thinking about stuff." It's turning over things that have happened, worrying about things that might happen, trying and sometimes failing to convince himself that it's okay to relax.   
  
"I keep thinking about what I did," Terra says, suddenly agitated, "about everyone that got hurt because of me." Riku knows Terra's including him on that list.   
  
_No_ , Riku thinks, looking at the fists of Terra's hands. _I would've been able to tell if it were you_. But Terra wouldn't believe him about that, right now. _How can I convince you?_  
  
"All because of the darkness," Terra spits out, heavy and sharp. Riku knows what it's like to listen to a dark voice in your heart try to convince you everything is your fault, so often that you start to wonder if he's right, if you really are as horrifying as you never intended to be.  
  
_Make it right_ , the spirit in the armor had said to Riku, before collapsing into pieces. Riku had dutifully worn that armor on his own shoulder until he was able to return it to its original owner, and he'd thought the promise had been fulfilled by that. But if Terra is here, telling Riku in so many unspoken ways that things still need to be resolved, then Riku still has work to do.  
  
"Do you want me to teach you?" Riku asks.  
  
"...What?" Terra starts, and Riku's gaze immediately catches on the movement. Riku takes a breath to calm himself down. It doesn't work.   
  
"Do you want me to teach you how to control the darkness?" Riku asks, looking fully at Terra again. He's trying to stay calm, but his chest is suddenly thudding again. Something inside him feels like it's pulling him towards the other man, something dizzying and insistent.

"I want to get rid of it," Terra answers, voice surprisingly low. Riku shakes his head.  
  
"You can't get rid of it," Riku says, his own voice dropping in response. "The harder you try to get rid of it, the worse it'll get." He feels Terra's gaze fixed on him. "But you can control it." His cheeks feel hot. "Do you want me to teach you?"   
  
"I thought it would be the other way around," Terra says, still quiet. Riku sees his shoulder muscle twitch, like he's trying not to reach out.   
  
"Stuff happened," Riku responds. He doesn't know what else to say about it right now, but he's certain Terra knows what he's talking about. Who he's talking about.   
  
"I want to..." Terra says, "I need to learn." His arm twitches again. Riku can smell the darkness in him, just under the surface. He wonders how deep it goes, for it to be that easy to sense it. He wonders how much of it he would recognize, and how much would be foreign. He wonders if Terra can smell Riku's darkness in the same way, waking up within his own heart. If he reached out to touch Terra's hand, would he find out? How easy would it be to trace the branching lines of darkness to their source?   
  
"Okay," Riku says, soft and breathy, no volume behind it at all. "Yes." His chest is still catching too fast, his veins thrumming and buzzing in his ears. Terra's still staring right at him. Riku feels himself leaning forwards.   
  
"You should go to bed," Terra says, voice still rough, turning away abruptly. Riku blinks the world back into focus, releasing the tension he hadn't known he was holding.   
  
"I..." Riku starts. He doesn't know what he did wrong, and feels strangely bereft. "Right. Yeah." He wants to grab Terra's hand, but isn't sure it won't make things worse. He shuffles to his feet instead. "Don't... don't stay up too late, either." His voice sounds discordant to his own ears. "It's not good for you."   
  
"I'll talk to you again tomorrow," Terra says. He won't look at Riku.   
  
"Night," Riku answers, then wanders back up the tower to his room, falling into his bed, head spinning.   
  
*~*~*   
  
Riku explains to Sora and Kairi the next morning that he plans to train with Terra off-world. Kairi nods knowingly, like she expected it, but Sora pouts and insists he has to know why they can't just do it at Yen Sid's. Neither reaction is that surprising.   
  
"It's better if there aren't any distractions," Riku explains. "And, just in case."   
  
"Just in case what?" Sora asks. Riku shrugs noncommittally, which earns him a frown. " _Riku_."   
  
"I don't want him to be worried about collateral damage," Riku says, looking away.   
  
"You'll be fine," Kairi says. "Both of you. You did a great job teaching me."

"You did most of that on your own," Riku smirks, but he can't hold the amusement for long. "This stuff can get pretty dangerous."   
  
"Yeah," Kairi says, "but I know you can do it." She elbows Sora.   
  
"Ow," Sora says. "I mean, yeah!" Riku feels the corner of his mouth turn up again. "You guys are gonna kick butt!"   
  
"Thanks," Riku says, and means it.   
  
*~*~*

Riku and Terra end up on the world where Castle Oblivion once resided, which has since been changed back to its original form by Aqua. Terra winces when he looks at the castle. The actual building is solid and whole, but the path leading up to it is cracked and overgrown.   
  
"You alright?" Riku asks.   
  
"I haven't been here in ten years," Terra replies. "I used to know this place." He's staring at the courtyard at the base of the stairs to the castle.   
  
"You used to live here?" Riku guesses.   
  
"Yeah." Terra's voice is thick with what can only be regret. Riku studies the uncomfortable way Terra swallows a lump down his throat and the rigid set of his shoulders. He wonders how often he wore that same expression when he first returned to Destiny Islands.   
  
"You wanna go somewhere else?"   
  
"No." Terra shakes his head. "I want the reminder." He looks at Riku, eyes asking him to understand. Riku nods.   
  
"Then let's start," Riku says, stepping back and summoning Way to the Dawn to his hand. "I need a baseline first."   
  
"Got it," Terra answers, calling his own keyblade as well, large and bronze.   
  
Riku immediately lunges at Terra, and the taller man brings his keyblade up to guard. Metal clashes, and Riku jumps back, only to dart in again at a different angle. Terra blocks again, using the momentum to make a thrust of his own. Riku ducks under the swing and spins, watching to see how fast Terra will follow. Terra's next swing is slow, but when Riku brings his own guard up, it packs a hefty punch behind it that has Riku darting back again, only to go right back to bothering at Terra from another direction. They continue in that fashion for a while, with Riku using his speed to his advantage and Terra moving with slower, more forceful blows. Riku realizes that he could win by just tiring Terra out, but that's not what he plans to do.   
  
"If you keep holding back," Riku goads, "this is gonna get pretty boring for me." Terra opens his mouth to presumably protest, but Riku keeps going with another dash-parry-dart combo. "I can tell you are."   
  
"I'm not going to hurt you," Terra responds, pushing Riku back again.   
  
"Whatever you dish out," Riku says, "trust me, I can handle it." Now, Terra just looks irritated, and swings at Riku again. "Or do you want me to go first?"   
  
"...What?" Terra blinks, hesitating just enough for Riku to jump out of the way of Terra's keyblade.   
  
"Like this," Riku says. He brings Way to the Dawn back, then shoots a ball of dark firaga at Terra. He watches Terra's eyes widen as the spell jets towards him, nostrils flaring. Then, Terra slices at the dark firaga with a yell and jumps at Riku, all his weight bearing down at once and his entire arm erupting in a burst of darkness. Riku brings up his keyblade to block, but Terra keeps pressing down, using his height and weight to his advantage. "There we go." Riku feels the strain start to build, but grins anyway.   
  
"You did that on _purpose_ ," Terra says, eyes still wide, mouth in a grimace. His keyblade either still has the remains of Riku's dark firaga licking at it, or it's ensconced by tendrils of darkness as well.   
  
"Look at yourself," Riku gasps, knees aching not to buckle. Terra does, then falters with a gasp of his own. Riku ducks under Terra's keyblade and quickly spins, jabbing at Terra's back with the butt of Way to the Dawn, then jumps out of reach again. Terra falls to his knees, keyblade clattering to the ground and dissipating. Riku relaxes, then dismisses his own weapon and walks slowly up to Terra. 

"I had to know what we're gonna be dealing with," Riku replies. The fight's over, but he knows his own pulse is going to be racing for a while, too.

"I got frustrated," Terra continues. "I lost my temper." He looks up at Riku. "No one's ever broken through my guard that quickly, not since I was a beginner."

"I've had practice," Riku says. Terra looks away. "I was in that body for a while, too. I had to know what those weaknesses were." Riku's also fought against that body more than anyone else, and more than his survival has depended on not losing. He reaches out his hand to help Terra up, but the other doesn't seem to notice it.   
  
"I could've hurt you," Terra insists.   
  
"I told you," Riku says. "I can handle it." Only then does Terra look up. "It's fine." Riku tries to smile reassuringly, and keeps his hand out stubbornly.   
  
After another moment, Terra reaches back.   
  
Riku feels a spark when their fingers connect, but it doesn't feel like he's touching anyone's hand but Terra's. He hauls Terra to his feet with a grunt, but overestimates the momentum, and Terra trips forward another step or two. Their hands are clamped together, caught between their chests, and Riku feels his breath stutter as the dark tendrils reappear around Terra's arm. He cranes his neck up to look at Terra's startled, flushing face and can't look away.   
  
"I-I..." Riku doesn't know what he's going to say. His head is inexplicably spinning again, and the darkness inside him is clamoring to burst free as more than just another dark firaga.   
  
Terra must be able to notice because he scuttles back, alarmed. Riku's grip won't let go until Terra breaks away completely.   
  
"I'm sorry," Terra babbles, the darkness on his arm snuffing out again. "I'm so sorry." He looks like he's been kicked in the chest. Riku wants to touch Terra's hand again. More disturbingly, he has an urge to crawl inside Terra's skin so he can touch Terra's darkness again.   
  
"We... we know what we're dealing with now," Riku says, though he feels like that's only half-true. His legs feel like jelly. "We needed to find out, so we can make a plan." He feels _hungry_. "I think..." he walks over to lean back against one of the columns surrounding the courtyard, "I think we should try again." He meant to say that they should take a break, but it came out almost the opposite.   
  
"I'm sorry," Terra repeats.   
  
"You didn't do anything," Riku replies, shaking his head. "We just need to remember what works and what doesn't." He takes in deep breaths. "Trying to trigger the darkness randomly isn't working, so we'll just have to do it more on purpose next time." Maybe Terra will stop being so skittish if they go more slowly.   
  
"I _couldn't_ ," Terra insists, horrified.   
  
"It's not going to go away just because you want it to," Riku says flatly. Terra looks like he wants to argue that point. "And you can't run away from it, either. You have to make it yours." Riku raises his hand to look at it absently, and feels Terra follow the movement with his eyes. "You have to accept that it's going to be a part of you, from now on."   
  
"The last time someone told me to accept the darkness, it didn't exactly work," Terra says. Riku can taste the bitterness on his tongue, the frustrated anger.   
  
"You can tell a lot of lies with the truth," Riku responds, careful, still turning his hand over. All the darkness is back inside him, now, but it hasn't gone to rest just yet. "It doesn't make those things less true." He remembers what Naminé told him about not looking away from the darkness; he hadn't always succeeded, but he's much better at it than the first time he'd tried in Castle Oblivion.   
  
...Castle Oblivion is this place, now, isn't it? It's no good to force things when it's best for Terra to discover those truths for himself.   
  
"Okay," Riku says, standing up again. Terra starts, but quickly calms himself. "Let's take a break." Hey, it actually worked that time. "Does this place have a basement?" He points to the castle.   
  
"A smaller one."   
  
"Show me."

*~*~*

Terra avoids what seem to be the main halls and heads straight for the underground floors. Riku laughs when he finds out it's mostly storage.  
  
"What is it?" Terra asks him.   
  
"Castle Oblivion was like a maze," Riku says. "This is just boxes of stuff." Terra frowns. "I'm not making fun of it," Riku insists, "it's just a lot smaller now than it used to be."   
  
"In a good way or a bad way?"   
  
"Like I was a little kid playing pretend," Riku answers, "and everyone was drawing ships and robots and stuff on cardboard boxes." There's an entire section of slightly molding practice dummies made out of straw. Riku wanders over to one, pokes it, and wrinkles his nose. Terra follows. "Playing with dolls and making operatic dramas out of everything." Riku drops his hand and keeps walking. "It felt real at the time." He shakes his head to clear some of the cobwebs. "It _was_ real. But I didn't really have anybody I wanted to talk to, until I met up with King Mickey and Naminé." The dark voice in his heart, pushing at him to give in, least of all. Riku hadn't been allowed to stop playing after it stopped being fun.   
  
"That's my fault," Terra says, looking down.   
  
"It's not," Riku insists calmly. Terra doesn't say anything to that. Best to get back to that subject later, then. "Are the other rooms down here more storage?"

"...No."

"I want to see."  
  
"Alright."  
  
*~*~*

Along the edges of one room, mechanical equipment is connected to half a dozen suspension pods, just like the ones in the basement of the mansion in Twilight Town.   
  
"I don't know what those are for," Terra says. "We were never allowed to touch them." Riku suddenly gets the urge to reach his hand out and press it on the glass, just like he used to.   
  
"...They're for sleeping," Riku says. Once, he changed his form to the same as the man standing next to him in order to wake Sora up, and he'd hated every second of it. That body had been like a curse.

_I'm sorry I forgot it was your body_ , he thinks. _I'm sorry it took so long to get it back to you_.

Riku's hand ends up on the curve of the glass, anyway, wiping away some of the dust. The pod is empty. "We should probably leave them alone." He doesn't want to jinx the peace by saying that they're completely useless now. "Is there anything else weird like this?"  
  
"Maybe in other rooms." Terra's voice seems distant. Riku wants to cheer him up. Maybe they should move to a less gloomy part of the castle, one where Terra would have fonder memories.   
  
"Naminé was the one who first helped me learn to control the darkness," Riku ends up saying instead. Naminé had appeared as Kairi, but that part wasn't relevant to Terra. "She told me not to look away from it." He lets his hand fall from the pod, wiping it on his jeans, and turns to face Terra. "You have to know what's there."

"What if I don't trust what's there?" Terra asks, eyes focused on Riku's hand again. "I can't trust myself not to..." He takes a visible breath. Riku tries to catch his gaze. "How can I know if what's there is dangerous or not?"

"I never said it wasn't dangerous," Riku answers, allowing himself a grin. He raises his hand in front of him, feeling his pulse pick up again, the darkness just under his skin like kindling ready to burn. Terra follows the movement, alert. "But you won't control it if you keep pushing it away every time it says hello." Riku lets a small sphere of darkness gather into his palm. It's cool against his skin, but Terra immediately reaches out like he's trying to warm himself. Riku doesn't move away. "You can know that it's there without giving in completely, and you can use it how you want to when you know exactly what it does."

Terra's hand is suddenly around Riku's wrist, Terra's body close, Terra's chest visibly rising and falling in the dim basement. Riku inhales sharply at the contact, the darkness in his hand pulsing with the racing of his heart. The empty memory pod is at Riku's back, but he finds himself arching towards Terra, neck craned up and trying to steady himself with his other hand on Terra's bicep.  
  
"It doesn't have to be a bad thing," Riku says, breathing hard. Terra's hand is starting to darken.   
  
"Is this not pushing it away?" Terra asks, voice low and thick. The darkness seeps out of Terra's arm again and comes into contact with the orb in Riku's hand. Riku shudders as the sensation runs through him like a jolt of pure id, eyelids fluttering, only to open them to Terra's other hand holding his chin up. "Or is this losing control?"   
  
"That's a... a complicated question," Riku says. Terra moves closer, pushing Riku flush against the pod. The darkness in Riku's hand spills over, and he gasps when it intertwines with Terra's, face hot and lips parted. "I don't... mind it, if it's you." Riku enjoyed the touch of darkness when it first became malleable, alone in his room in Hollow Bastion, and he's endured the unwelcome darkness of another, but he's pretty sure he prefers the first option. He wants to feel more of Terra, of his darkness. "It doesn't feel wrong."   
  
"I don't... I don't know," Terra says. Riku feels him tense up, and tries to lean closer. Terra's hands grip tighter, and Riku lets more of his darkness out to seek further down Terra's arm. He sees Terra's face move even closer to his own, pupils widened and breath warm against Riku's face. "I didn't mean for it to get like-"   
  
"I can make my own decisions," Riku interrupts, leaning his face into the hand at his jaw. He may be straining against the delirium running under his skin, urging him to seek out and build against Terra's darkness, but the isn't the first time he's felt the need to be closer to Terra, either. "I'm not a little kid anymore."   
  
"I know," Terra rasps out, "but how much of that is because of things like this?" He strokes his thumb over Riku's face, and Riku's eyelids flutter shut again.   
  
"I don't want to talk about that right now," Riku responds, arching forward. He feels Terra gasp against him, then hears a small noise of protest escape his own lips as Terra pulls away sharply.   
  
"This isn't what we set out to do," Terra says, fists clenched tightly, all the darkness gone back inside his body.   
  
"Just because it isn't what you planned, does that make it wrong?" Riku retorts, his own arm back to normal as well, though he's still panting. "You can't run away from something just because it's inconvenient." His voice is sharper than he meant it to be, but his face still feels hot.   
  
"I don't know," Terra says again. "I need to think."

*~*~*

It takes an hour or two before Riku finds Terra again. He'd wandered through almost the entire castle before making the trek to the peak of the mountain. Thankfully, there are less rooms than there used to be.  
  
"Feel any calmer?" Riku asks, tossing Terra a bag with the dinner they packed in it. Terra starts but catches the bag. He's sitting on a stone bench, and he opens up the bag beside him. He's keeping his gaze on it rather than Riku, but isn't outright flinching, so Riku figures it's okay to sit down on the other side of the bench.   
  
"I lost my temper again, didn't I?" Terra responds. He starts divvying up the dinner into two separate bowls. It's starting to get duskier, but Riku can see a flush streak across Terra's face.   
  
"It happens," Riku says. "I thought up some more ideas, so we can try some of those tomorrow." Terra puts down Riku's bowl in front of him. "Thanks." Terra's still blushing. "Hey." Terra finally looks up at him. "It's fine. Don't worry about it."   
  
"You're not concerned?" Terra asks.   
  
"I've got no reason to be," Riku says, giving Terra a small smile to make a point of it.   
  
"...Alright." Terra says, finally relaxing with a smile of his own.   
  
They eat dinner mostly in silence, but it doesn't feel uncomfortable. A little awkward, maybe, but Riku was honest when he said he wasn't concerned.   
  
"It's nice here," Riku says eventually. It was made to be the perfect place for training keyblade wielders, and it shows not just in all the specialized equipment but in the serenity of the place. Riku knows that he'd probably get stir-crazy if he had to stay here for an extended period of time, but it's not bad for shorter visits like this. Well, part of him hopes it'll be a shorter visit because it'd mean Terra could learn to control his darkness sooner. Another part of Riku wants to be alone with Terra as long as possible. "You should show me the rest of the place tomorrow, too."   
  
"Sure," Terra responds. He looks at Riku, then starts putting the dinner things away so they can be cleaned inside.   
  
"I want to see the inside training areas, too," Riku adds. "And I think I almost got lost inside the library."   
  
"You don't have to push yourself to make conversation," Terra says softly, reaching for Riku's bowl.   
  
"I want to help." Riku says, picking up his bowl at the same exact time. His hand brushes Terra's, and the jolt is just as shocking as ever. Terra's eyes fly back up to meet Riku's, and they both drop the bowl into the grass. Riku's darkness is fully alert as if it'd never been dormant since they arrived on this world. "At least talk to me." Riku's hand is still on Terra's. He wants to touch every bit of Terra's skin until the darkness leaks out again. "This isn't a thing anyone should deal with by themselves."   
  
"I don't know why this is happening," Terra says, gaze locked on Riku's in what Riku recognizes as the same hunger he felt in the aftermath of their spar. "I'm not trying to do anything like... this." It only makes the itch in Riku's hands stronger as his fingers pull him closer to Terra.   
  
"But it's still happening," Riku says. When did he scramble into Terra's lap? His arms are wrapped around Terra's neck, and his chest is already heaving. "So we've got to do _something_ about it." One of Terra's hands is on Riku's right side, the other on Riku's left thigh and away from the old scar on Riku’s left side. All the dinner things must be a mess in the grass, though it's very difficult to care about that right now. Terra's eyes quickly scan down to look in alarm at his own hands, and then go back to staring directly into Riku's eyes. Riku can feel Terra breathe against him, his own thighs taut and tense under Riku.

"Do you know how to stop it from happening?" Terra asks, voice gone rough again.  
  
"I've got a few ideas," Riku answers, pulling his arms tighter, "but none of them involve stopping anything." Terra's torso is a wall of solid muscle, and Riku can feel Terra's hand squeezing his thigh.  
  
"Do you have any ideas other than that?" Terra pulls Riku closer by the waist, and Riku leans forward, legs splaying as he settles on Terra's lap. Terra darts his gaze down again.  
  
"Those are all the ideas I have right now," Riku says bluntly. He remembers how it had felt when Terra'd had him pinned in the basement, their darknesses running over their skin, each tendril of midnight feeding into each other like fuel on a fire. It had felt _good_.   
  
"Is this really the best decision?" Terra asks, daring to look up again. Riku holds his gaze and fidgets just so he can feel Terra inhale sharply from the contact.   
  
"I like this decision better than the last one," Riku responds. Terra's hand moves from Riku's waist to the small of his back, and Riku can't help but arch forwards with a small noise in his throat, curling one of his own hands into Terra's hair. If their faces get any closer together, Riku's going to go cross-eyed.   
  
"You..." Riku can feel Terra's breath on his face when the older man speaks, "you actually want to...?" He flushes before he can finish the sentence.   
  
" _Yes_ ," Riku says, pressing himself against Terra again like he's going to crawl right to the darkness under his skin.   
  
Just as Riku registers the pleading tone of his own voice, Terra's lips are on his, urgent and hungry. Riku returns the pressure as best he can, the hand at his back supporting him from tipping over backwards and holding him against Terra's chest. Terra's kissing him like he's still starving, still drowning in uncertainty. Riku knows these are uncharted waters, so to speak, but he doesn't feel frightened or uncertain at all.   
  
Riku's darkness feels like it wants to pour out of him again, so he fists his hands more firmly in Terra's hair and on the back of Terra's neck and lets it start to seep out. Terra reacts immediately, his hands coated in the same darkness like a reflex, his tongue pushing into Riku's mouth like he wants to devour him. Another sound escapes Riku's throat, and he drinks in the sensation, heated and leaving him craving for more. Terra falters when he senses the darkness escaping them again, but Riku clings tight, kissing his mouth desperately until Terra relaxes and pulls him close again.   
  
"I don't know why I'm..." Terra starts, when they finally have to break for air, darkness receding for the moment but still awake just under their fingertips, "you're..." He ends with a sigh too wanting to be proper words.   
  
"Isn't it enough that you want to?" Riku asks quietly. Now it's his turn to look down, at his own heaving chest and the hand still on his thigh. "There's nothing to worry about anymore, so..." he drops his head to Terra's shoulder, and his hands run across Terra's chest, the tenseness there only the kind that makes him squirm closer, "it should be okay to want things." Riku hadn't meant to say that last part out loud, and it's a little frightening that he did, but he looks back up at Terra anyway.   
  
"Yeah," Terra says, voice husky. His hand comes up to hold Riku's face, and Riku sighs in response, but pushes himself to keep his eyes open. Terra's staring at him like he's only just realized the significance of what Riku's said. "That's fine." Riku starts to pull his head up to reach Terra's lips again, but Terra beats him to it, meeting Riku in a slow, intense kiss.   
  
One kiss turns into two, which turns into many more deep kisses, until Riku wonders how he got wrapped around Terra, gasping for breath again and dizzy in such an enthralling way.   
  
"We should put the dinner away," Terra says.   
  
"...What?" Riku asks.   
  
"The dinner," Terra says. Riku looks at the bench, which is mostly empty, then turns to look at the ground, which has most of the things from dinner. It's fully evening now, too. When did it get so late?   
  
"Oh," Riku says. "Okay. Yeah. Let's go back in."   
  
*~*~*

It ends up no surprise that Riku can't sleep that night. He keeps turning over in his head all the things that happened during the day, about the aching pull in him towards Terra and his darkness, about the hungry cravings and the sparking contact. He thinks about the way it felt when Terra had pressed close to him in the basement, when they'd sat on the mountain with Terra's tongue in his mouth and Terra's hand on his thigh. He'd worry a little that it's too hasty, except that it's taken over ten years to arrive at this point. Riku meant it when he told Terra that it didn't feel wrong.   
  
This late, Riku can admit that he wants to feel it again. He wants to be able to experience something without worrying if he should be ashamed by the feeling or not. Maybe that's why he can't stay in his room.   
  
Riku wanders the halls of the castle, not traveling to the basement like earlier today, but seeing how high he can travel in the taller towers. One of the bedrooms he peeked into had housed a telescope; since the mountains of this world were so tall, would there be an observatory room, high enough to house larger equipment? It felt like he could touch the stars on this world, they seemed so close.   
  
"Awake again?" Terra's voice calls from behind him. Riku turns with a small smile. He didn't know he was that deep in thought, that he didn't hear Terra approach. The idea of being caught unawares used to be so repellent. It feels good to be able to temporarily relax.   
  
"Yeah. Thought I'd go exploring."

"In your pajamas?" Terra looks confused.

"I don't know where anything is in here," Riku replies. He can't help fiddling with the edge of his pajama sleeve.   
  
The inside of the castle still has wide hallways, and the occasion sprouting of columns, but it feels so much warmer than the last time he was here. It doesn't feel like a tomb anymore, and he doesn't feel like he's being dragged, protesting, to relive the past superimposed on bare, white walls. It feels good to know that he's got the chance to do more than merely survive until the end of whatever tempest rages both outside and inside him. "You could show me, if you wanted." The eye of a storm is hard to navigate towards on your own.   
  
"What parts did you want to see?" Terra asks, walking up to Riku. Riku feels like a compass spinning swiftly, his chest full of magnetized iron begging to be pointed somewhere.   
  
"As much as you want," Riku answers, inhaling. He can smell Terra, right in front of him, though the edges of his form are fuzzy and dim in the hallway, wide as it is. Maybe this conversation isn't about the castle anymore. Maybe it never was.   
  
"I don't know where to go," Terra says, "or if this is the best way to get there anymore, but I want to."   
  
"Yeah," Riku's already opened his mouth to agree, pulling Terra towards him until he's pressed against the wall, catching Terra's lip in his teeth.   
  
Terra wastes no time in responding, first kissing Riku on the mouth, then trailing his lips along Riku's jaw and down to Riku's neck. Riku lets his head fall to the side with a low moan, eyes flickering shut and his hands clenching at Terra's back. He can feel the darkness running under Terra's skin, rushing through his own quickening pulse, like a swiftly moving undercurrent.  
  
Terra moves his mouth back to join with Riku's, deep and fierce, Riku tracing his hands over muscles that should be familiar but that feel entirely novel. Riku knows what this body should feel like, what it should look like under the loose pajama shirt and pants, but everything about the way Terra's touching him is exploratory in the best way. The pajama pants don't end up being able to hide much, but Riku moves one of his hands and presses it against the front. Terra bucks his hips forward into Riku, sending a shockwave of sensation through Riku's hand and into Riku's hips, then seems to realize what he's done and moves back again.   
  
"We should... we should go somewhere," Riku says, hoping it sounds reassuring.  
  
"...What?" Terra asks, his hands still to either side of Riku's face.  
  
"I don't know where things are here," Riku says, pushing his hips into Terra's, "we should go somewhere."  
  
"Oh," Terra says. "Here."  
  
*~*~*

"Well," Riku says, after a liberal amount of stretching on his part and an equal amount of cautious petting on Terra's part, "go ahead." If Terra waits much longer, then one of them will have enough time to become anxious about it, and Riku doesn't want that. What he wants is for Terra to not hold back, to press him so far into the mattress Riku can't see or think about or feel anything else.  
  
"Are you sure you..?"  
  
"Yeah." Riku's not sure Terra's convinced, so he hooks his leg over Terra's shoulder and pulls him closer with the heel of his foot. " _Yes_."   
  
"I..." Terra starts. Riku reaches out to wrap his hand around Terra, guiding him to where his fingers were just before.   
  
It takes longer for Terra to press inside him than Riku thought it would, moving at a pace somewhere in between cautious and patient, and Riku lets his mouth fall open with a wordless sound, round and slow, as he looks down at Terra's hips. And then Terra just keeps pushing, farther in than Riku was expecting, and then in some more. When Riku looks back up. Terra's leaning over him, eyes intent and breathing heavy. Riku wraps a hand around the back of Terra's neck and licks at his chapping lips.   
  
"You can... ah..." Riku lifts his hips up, and nudges Terra's shoulder to get him to move. It stings a little, and Riku thinks he can feel his own shoulders and face go pink, but he doesn't mind because Terra's finally gotten encouraged enough to start moving, slowly but steadily.   
  
"Do it harder," Riku says.   
  
"Like this?" Terra asks, holding onto Riku's hip with one hand and tracing over Riku's skin with the other. Riku bites his lip, looking at Terra more directly now.   
  
" _Harder_ ," he says again.   
  
"It'll hurt you."   
  
"It won't." He moves his hands over Terra's, guiding their direction, meeting each thrust of Terra's hips with his own. He can feel Terra breathing, heavy and too-warm on his face and shoulders, but Riku doesn't mind if his cheeks are reddening when he's able to meet Terra's gaze with a pleased smile. "Like that."   
  
Terra finally responds to the encouragement, and starts building up the pace in earnest. Riku breathes in the scent of Terra's skin, of the darkness permeating the air around the both of them. Terra's hair brushes against his neck, and Riku lets his head tilt back with another moan. He looks at Terra through half-shut eyes, running his hands over every inch of Terra he can touch and trying his hardest not to be impatient. It's not quite enough to completely overwhelm him like he wants yet, but it will be soon.   
  
"Like this, or more...?" Terra asks.  
  
"More..." Riku responds, emphatic.  
  
Even without looking for the darkness, Riku can feel it running through himself, and through Terra wherever they're touching. Terra's got one hand holding onto Riku's hips for leverage and the other wrapped around Riku's length. Riku puts his own hand over Terra's, showing him just how he likes it, and lifts his hips until the angle makes him moan out loud again. Terra's staring at his face so intently, but Riku feels his eyes blink heavy with every thrust. He doesn't mind because he can still feel Terra, still smell him, still sense the darkness surrounding them and permeating through them like a midnight ocean.   
  
Once Terra's seems to realize he's found the best angle, he drives in again, harder this time, and Riku hears himself cry out again. Riku scrabbles at Terra's shoulders, until his hands are wrapped around Terra's neck and his nails are digging into the hair at his nape.   
  
"I told you..." Riku says, just a hair shy of triumphant, "there's nothing you can dish out that I can't take." He feels the way Terra grips tighter onto his hip. "I mean it." He raises his chin, looking Terra directly in the eyes, as if in challenge. "Don't hold back."   
  
"Do you mean it?" Terra asks anyway, finally shedding his restraint.   
  
"I mean it," Riku repeats between breaths, lifting his hips back up to meet Terra as best he can from this position.   
  
"Do you?" Terra asks again.   
  
" _Yes_ ," Riku says. He'll say it as many times as he needs to. " _Yes_. Yyy... _ahh_ -" And he can feel the exact moment the last of Terra's doubts leave him because that's when the the bursts of darkness are set free around them, and every time Riku blinks, he sees stars.   
  
*~*~*

Riku doesn't want to sleep. He feels strangely shy, despite what's just happened. He leans on the windowsill by the bed in Terra's room, his head resting on his arms, eyes turned up towards the myriad pinpricks of stars. He knows it's long past midnight by now, and he's finally tired, but he wants to stay up just a little longer.

He also knows that he'll always feel that restlessness to expand his horizons, but he's learned to save it up for when it really counts. Once day breaks, he'll go back to training with Terra in the more traditional way. A diversion or two won't hurt, but Riku's confident they'll be welcomed with more surety than they’d been earlier today. He doesn't mind if there's still some stray confusion because he doesn't think it'll be the anxious kind anymore.  
  
"Riku." When Riku raises his head to look in the doorway, Terra is there, having returned with a towel.  
  
"Hey," Riku says quietly, smiling and shifting to look at Terra more fully.  
  
"You alright?" Terra walks toward the window, slow but with deliberate intent. Bashful at the carefulness, Riku drops his gaze, cheeks pinking, but can't help quickly bringing his eyes back up again.

"Yeah."

Terra walks up the rest of the way, his hands moving gently and carefully, and Riku shivers.  
  
"Cold?"   
  
"Mmn, a little." Riku's eyelids feel heavy.   
  
"Your shirt...?"   
  
"It got dirty."   
  
"Here." Terra wraps a blanket around Riku's shoulders, then his own arms, and Riku hears a murmur of a sigh escape his lips. "You should go to bed."   
  
"Yeah. Soon." Riku leans back into Terra, pressing the side of his face into Terra's chest. He doesn't have to look to know that Terra's smiling at him. "I just wanna..." Riku blinks slowly again.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"It's nice," Riku says.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Mmm." He falls asleep right then, knowing that the morning will be there when he opens his eyes again, and that the stars will be there until sunrise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from the song Everything's Magic by Angels & Airwaves. I was listening to [this mix](http://8tracks.com/rikudera/strangeness-and-charm) a lot while writing, especially the A&A song and I Want You by Third Eye Blind.


End file.
